


save me tonight

by memitims



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s09e17 Mother's Little Helper, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:58:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1454545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memitims/pseuds/memitims
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Selfishly, Dean wishes that Cas could just return to the bunker and be at home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	save me tonight

He’s not quite sure how it happens, but just as Dean is about to finish off the last sip of whiskey, the bottle pressed to his mouth by trembling hands, it disappears into thin air, and he’s left sitting at the table listening to soft sounds of someone else’s breathing. It washes over him, and fills him with the tiniest bit of relief.

Dean knows who it is, of course, but he’s still startled when the deep rumble of his best friend gently calls out his name in greeting.

"Hey Cas." He swivels around to face him, and Castiel looks more harried than usual, his knock-off trench coat not quite dirty, but still rumpled, and his hair pushed up in all directions, like he’d been running his hand through it for an inexplicable amount of time. Dean wonders where Cas even picked up that habit, all this human stuff he does without even realizing it, everything that makes him uniquely Castiel. 

"I’m worried about you." And there it is. Right out in the open, because Cas seems to be able to just say these things, to put everything on the table when Dean’s involved. 

"I’m fine, Cas." Dean isn’t fine, not at all, but Castiel has much important things to deal with than Dean’s stupid crisis, like the souls stuck in the veil, and Metatron, and the fact that he can’t return home anymore.

Selfishly, Dean wishes that Cas could just return to the bunker and be at home. He wants Castiel here to smile at him, that secret one he doesn’t seem to share with anyone else, he wants to eat breakfast with him in the morning and cook him dinner at night, he wants Cas to keep taking his whiskey away when things get too hard, he wants to walk into the library and find Cas curled up over a book, a look of pure wonder on his face. 

It punches Dean right in the chest. He wants to grow old together - he wants to grow old with  _Cas -_ but he feels like he’s gonna die because he doesn’t think that is even a possibility anymore, and he was too late to realize what he wanted when it was. He’s so goddamn stupid, their whole relationship is a series of  _should have, could have_ , but there’s nothing Dean wanted from him more than he does in this moment. 

God, Cas drives him half-crazy and he doesn’t know what to do about it, so Dean just kind of stares at him, waiting for the inevitable moment when Castiel calls his bullshit and makes him talk about the things he is too scared to say aloud because then they become real. 

"Dean." And that’s really all it takes folks, the way Castiel says his name, to make Dean want to tell him everything, because no one understands better than Cas does.

"I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s happening to me, what’s happening to me and Sam, to _us_ ,” Dean admits quietly and Castiel kneels down so they face each other, eye to eye, and isn’t that what Dean and Castiel were always all about?

Cas reaches into Dean’s lap and takes his hand, and oh god, how the hell is Dean ever supposed to make Castiel understand how important he is to Dean, how much he needs this in his life, and Dean winds their fingers together and holds on tight.


End file.
